Negotiators are taught early on that which the evolutionary biologists and social psychologists know – the most effective strategy for ensuring your bargaining partner’s cooperation is to play the age-old game of tit for tat.

According to the tit for tat theory –

1. Open the negotiation cooperatively

2. Retaliate proportionally only after your bargaining partner has responded to a cooperative gesture with a competitive one.

3. Be prepared to forgive after carrying out just one act of retaliation

4. Adopt this strategy only if the probability of dealing with the same bargaining partner again exceeds 2/3 (remembering that it is a long life and a small world).

If we do not retaliate for acts of aggression, we enter into a cycle of victimization. This is what happens to women who are cheated on over and over and over and over again if they forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive without ever taking proportionally retaliatory action. This can also happen in post-divorce co-parenting situations where one parent continually takes advantage of the other. Sometimes tit for tat is the necessary wake-up call for the unreasonable parent. It is similar to the concept of confrontation. You are setting up a boundary and letting someone know your line. You are doing it more for yourself than for the other because you will not submit to continual victimization. Remember tit for tat the next time you are in a conflict with another with whom you probably are going to have a continual relationship. Perhaps your act of retaliation will surprise them and lead to a clean resolution. Good luck. Thank you, Victoria Pynchon.