We spend entirely too much time these days analyzing and re-analyzing our feelings of love. If my concept of love depends on whether I feel in love at the moment, I’ll be constantly disappointed. I’ll feel good about you one day, perhaps just after we’ve had sex or because you said something nice about my hair. Then the next day I’ll decide I don’t love you, because “that spark’s just not there.
On the other hand, if I come to view love not as something I feel but something I do, I then can take full responsibility for whether I love you, and I don’t need any response from you. I love you because that’s what I do. I love you with curlers in your hair. I love you when you’re staring intently at the beer commercials between quarters of the football game on TV. I love you, purely, simply, completely. Now that’s love.”
Thank you, Lee Borden. Lee has worked in the divorce field for many years and is experienced and extremely knowledgeable. But more than that, he is a very special person who helps people help each other survive divorce. Read why he does what he does. We appreciate him and you will too.
As people who help couples deal with conflict, we see couples who, whether in the divorce process or thinking about it or trying to save their marriage, are fixated on their “feelings” about love. I don’t feel in love anymore – is something we commonly hear. But love has little to do with feelings. To love someone is to will yourself to want their good…over and over – whether you feel good about it that day or not. For you to get something back, the other needs to love you…will your good…under all circumstances. That is the marriage contract. plain and simple. Giving love is what marriage is all about.
And in the big game of life, giving love is what makes life beautiful, satisfying. Love is what makes life worth living – not that great job or money or anything else. It is the love you gave and the love you know someone gave you is what you will remember.