Please realize that the old model of hiring a couple of lawyers and filing a bunch of stuff in court is now the legal equivalent to the Palm Pilot in the electronic gadget world.

Divorce is dangerous – it’s not a mystery why most courthouse shootings come from the family court. Getting to the “I don’t care” stage is often a long-time coming for most divorced couples. These unresolved emotions must be worked out and we in the field who see litigation as detrimental to families and are out here touting out-of-court alternatives know this to be true.

And while you are trying to get to the “I don’t care” stage, you still have to co-parent with this person post-judgment. People fail to realize that struggling with the adjustment between being co-parents and marital partners is real and usually not solvable by themselves. In fact, so many use co-parenting as a tool to continue the emotional stress of the divorce. Or, they use it as a tool to hurt the other parent. When you are in this situation, whether it is you who has not reached the “I don’t care” stage yet, or your ex or both of you, the important thing is to realize that you will need help co-parenting so as not to fall into the traps I just outlined. Get a coach, go back to a mediator but for God’s sake ask for some help. It’s not shameful. It’s smart. Asking for help is smart dammit. Think of kids in a classroom. The ones who ask for help succeed. What happens to those who don’t. We all know that answer.

Don’t let that be you. Don’t just sit there waiting for it to come to you. Don’t just sit there and get frustrated. Take control and ask for help. There are all kinds of professionals out there waiting to help you. Divorce coaches, mental health counselors, mediators, lawyers who do legal coaching (like me!!!). Open your eyes and get out of the ’80s. Throw your palm pilot away and check out the new technology in town. You will be glad you did.